Anon / November 2015: Taboos / sex

I Am a Fitness Dominatrix and a Sadist

i-am-a-fitness-dominatrix-and-sadist

“Get down and give me 20, bitch!” is just one of the many commands I give my clients as a Fitness Dominatrix.

Being a Fitness Dominatrix is a unique job that I’ve created for myself to combine my experience as a fitness trainer and my desire to dominate and give pain. People are immediately intrigued and excited by my work when I decide to reveal to them what I sometimes do for a living. Most consider it a genius idea. One of my clients told his doctor that his trainer was his Dominatrix. Her reply was: “That’s brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that?”

Although most responses are positive, being a Dominatrix is still taboo. I’m still a sex worker and sex work still carries a huge stigma. One friend asked me why do I call myself a sex worker if there is no sex involved. The short answer is because I am. Though I am not having vanilla sex” with my clients, I am offering a BDSM experience.

The sex industry is broad and there are many definitions of a sex worker. Sex work can entail a variety of different aspects. I advertise on sex worker websites for my services because what I do has a kinky element. I am satisfying a kinky desire that is both my client’s and mine, along with a health and fitness need, while maintaining my own boundaries and desires.

As a Fitness Dominatrix, I force clients to exercise and punish them when they fail. Often times, people will ask me if I work out of a gym. The question always baffles me because it’s hard to imagine my services being appropriate for a regular fitness centre. Public gyms are not intended for a woman dressed up in vinyl fetish wear with tall black boots holding a crop or flogger in her hand towering over a man hitting him every time he doesn’t perform a push-up correctly. Though this may seem obvious to some, I cannot tell you how many times I have to explain it to people. As amazing as that would be, that’s simply not the case. Because what I do is kinky, it’s sex work and takes place in private.

People often want to know what a Fitness Dominatrix session entails. Usually, I just tell them the basic stuff like how I demand my clients to do push-ups and other exercises, call them names in the process and crop their ass when they fuck up. I usually leave out the more sadistic parts of my work because people often squirm at the thought of me hurting a client’s genitals until they bruise, flogging hard enough to leave some serious marks, or engaging in verbal humiliation. This work allows me to release more of my sadistic desires when I’m unable to in my personal life.

Hunter 105

Being a sadist is more taboo than being a Fitness Dominatrix. The dictionary defines a sadist as someone who receives pleasure from initiating pain, sometimes in a sexual way. Sadism is not strictly sexual. Often times, it gives me more of a “high” much like what runners experience, where I feel like I’m on top of the world, rather than a sexual feeling. A masochist is someone who experiences pleasure by receiving pain, often in a sexual way.

However, sadists receive less social understanding than masochists do. For example, long-distance runners are often called masochists in a joking yet friendly way. But, when it comes to sadists, they are considered to be murderers, killers and people who are “bad.”

It’s especially different for a woman than a man to be a sadist or engage in sadism. If a man expresses sadistic desires, people think: “boys will be boys,” as boys and men are expected to be physically violent, often non-consensually. But as a woman who engages in consensual sado-masochism, my desire is questioned.

Why would I possibly want to dominate and inflict pain? What happened to me as a child that would lead me to want to do that? Historically, sado-masochism has been diagnosed as “psychosis,” which still affects how we perceive it today. And yet we don’t question desire for more “vanilla” activities. This is because women have certain expectations placed upon who they are supposed to be, their sadistic desires are more taboo.

Sadism is often confused with violence, but there is a difference having to do with consent and empathy. To me, violence is more of a non-consensual act that lacks empathy, while true sadism incorporates both consent and empathy. I empathise with others and often feel what they are feeling. This is what gives power to my sadistic pleasure. I feel the pain that I induce on the other person and I know how good that pain can feel, the power and pleasure of it, and how it can take you into another space. The pain can be healing, sexually exciting, relaxing, surrendering, and give you a “high”. The other person’s pain is my pleasure. The high that they experience from my infliction fuels my high. It’s a constant give and take experience; a very intimate one that we share.

Another part of what makes sadism so taboo is that it’s often conflated to one’s personality. One of the responses that I often get when I tell people I’m a sadist is: “But you’re so sweet.” Being sweet and being a sadist, as contradictory as they may seem, are not. Because being a sadist is a pleasurable and/or sexual desire, it has nothing to do with my personality. Our sexual desires do not necessarily have anything to do with our personality or they may just be one aspect of it. Either way, sadism is a valid sexual or pleasurable desire and experience (when done, safely, of course).

Being a Fitness Dominatrix has allowed me to embrace the deeper and darker desires and passions of mine in a safe and productive way. The more sex workers are given a voice and tell their story, the less stigma there will be against them. My hope in sharing my sadism is that it gives other women the permission to embrace theirs or other taboo desires that they possess.

  • This post was submitted anonymously

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “I Am a Fitness Dominatrix and a Sadist

  1. Brilliant post. As an ex glamour model it’s funny how you can see the other side of sexuality and grasp the different fetishes that exist. It frustrates me when people just think of the sex industry as something seedy and grotesque, when actually there’s so much to understand and learn from each persons personal preferences. There’s nothing seedy of vile about sex or enjoying something that’s not consider ‘vanilla.’

    Like

  2. Wow! What a fascinating job 🙂 I admire your enthusiasm for what you do and every woman should embrace their sexuality as bravely as you have x

    Like

  3. Wow, this was such an intriguing and interesting read. it’s something that hadn’t even ever crossed my mind, but I agree, what a bloody genius idea!!!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s