October 2015: Sexuality / sex

Sex With Younger Men Is Great, Here's Why

That women casually dating younger men is in some way reprehensible is a fallacy I have no time for. For some, the only acceptable heterosexual couple combination is one where both partners are the same age or alternatively the man is older than woman. I don’t blame some individuals for thinking that, we live by example and the media loves a celebrity couple with a dominant cougar. The media also seem to find a huge delight in saying “we told you so“, the moment it goes south.


The reality is, there’s an irresistible dynamic that occurs between older women and younger men. I’m an advocate for the longevity of many age ­gap relationships, but in this case I’m talking about one of the greatest successes that no interested woman should deny themselves: the sex. Sexual attraction is a basic human instinct, (something women aren’t often encouraged to act upon) less still when it involves something a little more unusual, like sex with a younger man. Physically it is a revelatory experience and I’m a believer that every woman should be able to explore her own desires.

Early on in a woman’s life, sex is frequently about learning how to mould into roles, build a family and connect with someone, but as you get older sex is a whole new discovery. You finally get to experience the excitement you were once afraid to let yourself have. And this is just one of the perfect ways to express it.

Anyone who has been in a long-­term relationship will know that keeping the excitement alive in the bedroom can be challenging. Our feelings about ourselves and our partners get tangled into an emotional/physical mess that sometimes stops sex from being a spontaneous action. It can often become a plan for later or an item on the ‘To Do’ list. I’ve never come across this problem when it comes to dating younger men.

In my experience, the passion never fizzles out in the same way. I know this from working within a community of women dating younger men and dating them myself. It keeps you guessing and surprises you, feels stronger than ever, and lasts for as long as you want it to. I believe this is down to the fact that a younger man matches the sexual peak most women experience later on in life. It’s biological compatibility.

There are more reasons why sleeping with a younger man is an amazing experience:

  • Like you, they are exploring themselves
  • They’re full of ambition
  • They appreciate you in a different way a man your age sometimes could

These are amazing aspects you want from a partner and even a husband, if that’s what you want.

My own feelings and experiences have led me to decide that I am now only physically interested in younger men. For ten years, I was married to a man a little older than me and although I loved him, our sexual relationship deteriorated. Younger men were not consciously on my mind when we split, but I did realise that my taste in men hadn’t really changed since before I married. With a little coaching from a friend, I decided to join a date site where I could find younger men. Once I finally had sex with a younger man, it reinforced everything I was feeling.  This was a good choice for me, why wouldn’t it be?

Not everyone was as understanding about my choices as my friend, so I defend those who want younger partners. Women who aren’t sleeping with younger men but know someone who is should never shame them. Older women and younger men feel empowered with they have sex and they do it for one reason only, simply because they want to. For some sex is an expression of love, an experience leading to something longterm and maybe part of having a baby. For some sex is the start and  the finish. What’s the problem with any of these things?

This is why I encourage women to not only feel that they deserve get sex, but if they feel an attraction to a younger man, to explore it. It could lead to an all encompassing, heart-thumping, of the moment adventure that brings back your glow and reaffirms your sense of self. You won’t know unless you try it.


Part of Team Toyboy Warehouse, Lucy’s on a mission to challenge old and obsolete views about UK cougar dating and empower men and women to go after what they really want. Follow on Twitter: @ToyboyWarehouse


2 thoughts on “Sex With Younger Men Is Great, Here's Why

  1. My partner (we present as a hetero couple although I’m queer) is almost nine years younger than me and he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Not only is he a sight more mature than any other man I’ve dated, he’s also more mature than me! But I really notice a difference in the reactions that others have when they learn that he’s 28 to my 37: women – especially older women – tend to go “you go girl!” and raise an approving eyebrow while men my age are more critical.


    • Janet, by queer I assume you mean bi-sexual. I am also bi with a straight and much younger guy. He fully understands and encourages me to express myself with my lady friends and sometimes joins us. I have absolutely the best arrangement a woman could have! I am now 49 and he is 33 and the difference in age has never been a factor for us. My present lady friend is 36 and will be moving in with us in 2 weeks ! Although not legally married, we will all three consider ourselves spouses and equals in all ways. He will be considered our husband and always have the last word in our affairs. I am so excited and totally fulfilled !!


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