For some insane reason, there is still a huge double standard when it comes to casual sex. You know what I’m talking about: when guys do it, they’re freaking awesome but women are often shamed. This attitude and these stereotypes are extremely harmful as they are just teaching women they can’t be sexual subjects, with their own needs. It can also lead to women not engaging in sex talk and instead make them feel ashamed for enjoying themselves. I think this is bollocks. Why would I stay silent about casual sex? It made me the confident woman I am today.
Casual sex isn’t for everyone and I totally respect that. Growing up, I was very much against casual sex. It was ingrained in me that sex was only to be enjoyed between two people who are in love. I entered my first relationship when I was 14 and I thought the world of my boyfriend. We lost our virginities to each other and learnt about sex through practicing. If we were to ever try anything new it was because somebody in a porno movie was doing it; mutual pleasure was never a key focus.
When that relationship ended, I jumped right into another one because I wanted to have regular sex again. Although I did like him, this was definitely the driving force in my decision to enter another relationship so soon. My pleasure had a bit more focus in this relationship but I still found myself judging how well the encounter went by his reactions.
It wasn’t until I spent three years on my own that I started to partake in casual sex. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t tied down and having sex with just one person. When I first entered the casual sex game, my encounters only ever lasted one night. I remember being left feeling so disappointed on a number of occasions because I didn’t give it my all. I was so used to pleasing the other person, I defined my sexual experiences by their pleasure. I often felt guilty the next morning after, especially when I had to do the ‘walk of shame’.
During my early twenties, I grew wiser and more aware of my body. I also grew really tired of bad sex, despite everything I was learning from it. “Why am I letting society’s ridiculous standard get in the way of having a good time? Sex is a natural, healthy thing I am entitled to enjoy“, I thought to myself the mornings after.
Once I started to let go of all the worry and shame, I ultimately had better sex. Somewhat determined to have a good time, I eluded confidence – I felt sexy for the first time in my life. I found a freedom in causal sex that I had never experienced when I had sex with my previous boyfriends. Letting my inhibitions go, I developed a much healthier attitude towards sex. An attitude that is not often taught to young women when they’re at school.
I don’t know about you but sex, women’s pleasure and female empowerment were not topics that were ever covered when I was growing up. Teaching young people that sex can only be enjoyed within a relationship is extremely unhealthy as it excludes and shames a huge portion of people who are rightly enjoying safe, casual sex.
It’s amazing what a healthier attitude towards sex can do your soul. Not only do you enjoy sex more, you ultimately feel better about yourself. After all, that is what it is there for – to make you feel good! Once I embraced a better attitude, I felt like a new woman. Casual sex got easier and made all kinds of sex empowering and enjoyable, whether it was whilst I was seeing somebody, more than one person, having casual sex with a friend, in a relationship with somebody or just hanging out with myself in the tub.
I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t experienced the fun that is casual sex. Some don’t care for it and that’s fine, but it taught me a lot about myself. I wouldn’t have been able to love myself if I didn’t go out and explore first, which is why I will always support casual sex.