Sept 2015: Sex

Six Ways I'm Getting Over My Sexistential Crisis

I want to talk about sex. The part of sex that interests me. And that, I’m sorry to tell you, has nothing to do with the tell-all, down-and-dirty, really hydraulic stuff. What I really want is to talk about is talking about sex. The way we discuss what goes on in the bedroom is still limited and flawed, and I’m part of the problem.

Why is it that I find it so hard to talk about sex? Why is it that there’s something in my middle-class white girl brain that makes it ashamed of its middle-class white girl vagina? I can do what I like with my body and I take advantage of that right. But when it comes to admitting it (and it’s always admitting it), I can’t help the awkwardness in both my face and voice as well as the feeling that talking about Doing It is… just… wrong?

With this in mind, and knowing that something has to change, I’m writing myself rules – no, wait – guidelines, to improve my own attitude to sex.

 

It’s not wrong to feel shame, but it isn’t right either

I’m not a bad person or a bad feminist for feeling awkward about my own sexuality. My attitude towards sex is a product of the soupy misogynist nonsense I’ve seen and heard all my life. Browbeating myself into some farce of sexual pride won’t help

 

Buy a sex toy

I’m twenty-one goddamn years old, and I can put what I want wherever I want it

Voice honest opinions

Too often, hearing juicy confessionals over coffee or lunch, I find myself enthusiastically agreeing to something I either have no idea about or disagree with entirely. Sex is an area in which I feel a strong internal pressure to conform, and that can only lead to an unhealthy attitude.

It’s okay to like something that your friends don’t.

It’s okay to like something that your friends don’t.

It. Is. Okay. To like something that your friends don’t.

 

Talk about masturbation like a dude.

I fly Solo so often, they should call me the Millennium Falcon.

 

Remember that everyone is on his, her, or their own journey of sexual self-discovery

And all of these journeys are going to be different. Even Sylvia Plath, the formidable grande dame of carnal female empowerment, suffered sexual insecurity as a virgin, writing that she “saw the world divided into people who had slept with somebody and people who hadn’t”. And it really isn’t that big a deal.

 

Let yourself have fun

Whether you’re in it for love, lust, or just something to do, make sure you enjoy yourself. Approaching sex with enthusiasm and attentiveness is the sure-fire way to make it better for everybody.

 

Bronwen Crowther
Traveller, writer, and casual artist/photographer. Hobbies include expressionist portraiture and shouting at the television whenever Nigel Farage is on it.

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3 thoughts on “Six Ways I'm Getting Over My Sexistential Crisis

  1. I totally agree with everything you are saying. I really don’t understand how people can shy away from talking about something so natural and intimate. There’s nothing to be ashamed of! I did a post on my views of sex and was really surprised to get a negative comment from someone who ‘expected good writing but came to a blog that spoke about sex’ (you can read the post here if you want…http://liv-likes-pugs.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/that-awkward-conversationsex-tag.html). Well, what’s the problem? It is a mature subject that isn’t spoken of enough. And if we don’t speak of it, how are we going to heal the worries and concerns of the next generation, and teach about safe sex properly if we are flushing and stifling giggles, or having shame in ourselves?

    Again, great post! I look forward to reading more!

    Like

  2. Loveee this post!! I don’t know why sex is such a taboo subject, though I think it is becoming less of one which is positive. I think it can depend on the people you’re with and who you’re talking to. All my friends are used to me talking about sex often and so it doesn’t surprise them and I don’t really hold back in front of anyone but there are some that may be offended and I guess you’ve still got to respect that :/

    Laura @ What’s Hot?

    Like

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