In Defence Of... / Sept 2015: Sex / sex

In Defence Of… Masturbation

Welcome to another new feature, In Defence Of…

As a woman, I have found myself having to defend a ton of things that I actually quite enjoy. I understand they’re not for everyone but there seems to be a lot of unnecessary judgement surrounding particular topics. Zusterschap is a safe and supportive place for women who want to challenge the norm; hell, we started the blog to defend controversial topics in the first place.

Which is why, each month, myself and Katherine will be writing about a topic that we feel gets a bad rap. We’re also open to submissions from you lovely lot too!

Last month, I was defending period sex and to my delight, a lot of you agreed it’s amazing. Carrying on from the topic of sexual pleasure, I’ve teamed up with Durex this month to defend masturbating.

Masturbation.. we all do it, right? But are we able to practice it freely and confidently?

There’s always been this weird stigma surrounding ladies who masturbate. I don’t know about you but I’ve encountered it a lot growing up within numerous circumstances. Most commonly with male sexual partners of mine. When I was a teenager, there seemed to be something quite intimidating about a woman knowing what she wants; in or out of the bedroom.

I once dated a guy who was so intimated by a woman seeking pleasure without him, masturbation only happened in his presence. When I was a sexual novice, masturbation was an act only done for the male gaze. I could only masturbate if he watched and if I did this carnality within the comfort of my own home, I was disgusting. Everything is wrong with this picture.

  • Masturbation should never be seen as a disgusting act; especially when a woman wants to do it.
  • Feeling constrained or intimidated into masturbating completely defeats the purpose. In this particular situation, he was getting all the pleasure. It did nothing for me and I was the one doing it to myself.
  • Masturbation shouldn’t have to be automatically sacrificed when you enter a relationship.

I recently wrote about things I am tired of apologising for and masturbating was one of them. There are still some guys out there that do feel insecure if you would rather masturbate than have sex with them. I think this is because women are often portrayed as sexual objects, instead of sexual subjects with their own desires. However, a fellow redditor objected and suggested this disdain didn’t come from a place where women aren’t allowed to masturbate but instead it’s simply quite rude.

But is it? Not all women climax from sex alone and masturbation can equate to clitoral play too. Masturbation isn’t about making sure your feelings aren’t hurt, it’s about seeking pleasure. If I want to masturbate, it is not a reflection on you. Sometimes I genuinely don’t feel like being penetrated and I just want a little clit action instead. It doesn’t mean you’re rubbish, in fact you don’t even come into it.

Another thing I have always found odd is men who are intimidated by their girlfriends’ sex toys. I guess it stems from the fear of being made redudant or the fact that they are most commonly associated with lonely, single women. That’s another stereotype I really detest, so I can only masturbate if I’m miserable and single (because a woman can never be happily single, right?) but not if I’m in a relationship and have a night in on my own? Right.

There’s not enough positivity surrounding masturbation, even for men. If a man is at home rubbing one out, he is immediately a sex-crazed horn dog. I find our attitude towards masturbation incredibly bizarre. Masturbation is super fun and it’s about time we start thinking of it that way. Durex is one of many companies out there who offer a great range of masturbation tools or sex toys.


Durex were kind enough to send me one of their pleasure sets, I went for the Wild Excitement. The particular set includes some lubes and two different sex toys and guess what I did with them? Masturbated of course!

I’ve been a big fan of Durex since I day I started being sexually active. They have a great range of products as well as a healthy attitude towards sex. Long gone are the days I awkwardly bought their condoms in Superdrug. I’m now getting them discreetly delivered to my front door!

Masturbation can be enjoyed with or without your partner, the point is it should be enjoyed.



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