Being 23 Made Me Want a Boyfriend, And I Hate That

I’ve never been someone who needs a boyfriend, or wants one, particularly. Some people will no doubt think I say that to cover up my own, desperate craving for/inability to find a partner, but it’s not true.

I’ve had them before to varying degrees of success: they’ve been good and boring and fun and horrible, and I’m not against having one: if Norman Reedus ever asks me to go steady, I will be there with bells on. I’ve just never felt I needed one to complete myself, or that my happiness depends on it.

I like hanging around with friends and family, or even on my own; I’m excellent company. Recently, though, I think I want one for reasons of convenience. In the past few years, life has started to get pretty real.

My friendship circle and I are no longer teenagers: we’re adults seeking careers and first homes; we pay bills and almost all of my best friends are in long term relationships (some even live with their significant other! Live! With a boy?! Can you imagine it?)

This is fine, and I know I’m in real danger of sounding it, but I’m not bitter. I love my friends, and their significant others are largely decent: I want them to be happy. It’s just sometimes I wish their lives didn’t orbit around them quite so intensely.

I can’t remember the last time I went out with one of them and the conversation didn’t at several points take a swift dive to what Ron thinks about this and what Tom’s dad said about that or what Andy did the other day that was sooooo funny (side note: I have masked true identities with the names of Parks and Recreation characters to avoid causing offence).

As bad as this sounds, I gradually lost contact with one of my closest friends from when I was younger because it got to a point where I couldn’t take it. We used to laugh at silly things and talk about music and TV shows and which skirt we should wear the next time we went out.

But slowly, it got to the point where we couldn’t talk about anything without it linking to Jean Ralphio’s life and opinion on everything in the world, and it started to suck. So I sort of phased her out of my life. Harsh, possibly, but it’s better to drift than to wind up with bad feelings between us.

So I feel like I’d like one just so I can join in a bit with these conversations. It’s especially bad in group situations where everyone’s either in couples or talking about being in a couple: the older I get, the more I relate to Bridget Jones. Scary, but true.

It would also be practical to have one purely for hanging out reasons. Being single and 23, if you want to socialise, you text a friend. Being in a relationship and 23, if you want to socialise, you ask your boyfriend. If they’re busy, then you ask your friend. Being the backup plan isn’t pretty.

I’ve found myself on Tinder recently, an experience that I would say has proved largely negative (if I never see another winky face emoji in my life it will be too soon). Receiving a picture of a body part I didn’t ask to gaze upon made me snap out of all of these feelings, and I was hit with an epiphany: I don’t actually want a boyfriend, I just want some good old fashioned friendship.

I’m just seeking another single friend. I’d definitely pick this over a man-piece at the minute. I want to make an App like Tinder but instead of finding romance you use it to find fellow singleton who just want to chill, no funny business (Bill Gates/any other high powered computer person if you’re reading this, LET’S DO IT). Because there are many reasons to seek out a romantic partner, but boredom isn’t a particularly good one.

Until this app gets made, consider this a personal ad: Girl with GSOH seeks friend for wine nights, cinema trips, pizza and Netflix binges. Send your applications thusly.


Sophie Vickers
Sophie is a writer from England who usually writes mainly about film/TV but is starting to write more lifestyle posts.


3 thoughts on “Being 23 Made Me Want a Boyfriend, And I Hate That

  1. Steer clear of tinder (no brainer) and, for the love of all things chocolate, don’t rush into finding a boyf!! He’ll come along when you least expect it. Keep hangin’ with your girls – netflix, pizza and wine nights are the bomb!


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