Hello, all of the ladies I met in toilets at 2am, I’ve been thinking about you.
A typical scene in the ladies room late at night always looks the same. Usually somebody is crying as her mate dries her cheeks and tells her he’s not worth it. Elsewhere, a door with a faulty lock is being held by someone who is also trying to locate any cubicle with toilet roll left to give to the current occupant. In the awaiting line, strangers compliment each other’s outfits and lipstick shades.
The common theme? All the girls being wonderful to each other.
Who is familiar with this scenario?
“You’re soooo preeeeety” you drawl as you wait in the queue. “That dress looks soooo good on you, too”. You worry that you’re being a bit weird. “Says you!” She slurs back to you. “You’re soooo skinnayyy, you could pull it off so much better than meee”.
You both smile. It’s nice. You stop worrying. Then suddenly, she looks a little shy. “Umm, do you have a tampon I could use?” You’re thrilled, you can prove to her just how much you like her! “Oh my God, yessss. Take two. Take three!” You fumble through your bag, dropping its entire contents on to the piss-soaked floor, trying to help a stranger you met under two minutes ago.
Isn’t it weird how we barely ever talk to each other like this under normal circumstances?
Thinking about everyday situations, meeting someone new (notably another girl) can be a daunting experience. Do they like me? Do I like them? Am I being awkward? Their hair looks so much better than mine, they are so much more than tanned than me; I must look like a Mini Milk stood next to them.
Ugh. What bullshit!
Why are we so capable of making each other feel awful in everyday life, but in this one bizarre environment we share problems, give thoughtful advice, check each other’s shoes for loo roll and then go for a boogie? Alcohol, yes. But surely it can’t be that hard to transfer into our every day lives. Why can’t we make everyday meetings like the ones we experience in the early hours of a grubby public bathroom?
In that spirit, here are some things I’d like to tell you, sober.
You really are beautiful. Don’t ever believe any different.
Your dress is still gorgeous, I still love your lipstick shade and your heels are killer.
Important question: cheese or oral, if you could only have one for the rest of your life? Yeah, I’d choose cheese as well. Luckily, my boyfriend knows I just bloody love cheese.
Don’t be jealous of other girls, see it as proof that what they have done can be achieved and allow it to motivate you towards fulfilling your goals.
However, I’m really sorry if I am ever jealous of you.
I’m sorry if I feel a bit weird when you hang out with my boyfriend, or if I don’t congratulate you as much as I should for that amazing thing that’s happened to you. I only act like this because I compare myself to you, and that just means I think you’re great.
I hope you’re all doing well and are successful, happy and comfortable with who you are. Maybe I’ll see you on the dance floor soon. Also, don’t worry about owing me that tampon, that was on me.